I'm sorry

In the spirit of being 100% honest and practising what you preach, I'm here to do something I have NEVER sincerely done before in my 10 years of blogging. Apologise.

I don't know if this apology will reach its recipient, but I still want to say it here so everyone can see it.

I want to apologise to my dad. This apology is for jumping to conclusions about the latest family saga that happened. In my defense, I would not have had to jump to conclusions if I had been kept in the loop with what was happening at home, instead of only finding out parts of it all after things have blown up in our faces. But nevertheless, that is probably not a valid excuse.

After my mom told me the full story, I still felt anger, sadness and disappointment. But now, it's not directed at my dad anymore. It's at my aunt. Angry at how she has plotted and planned to betray her own brother, making use of him and then dumping him aside once things have taken off. Sad about how money can change someone so drastically and now she's no longer the same beloved xiao gu gu of ours. Disappointed because she chose to involve my grandma in the whole issue, when my dad has been trying to keep things from her in order to not worry her for so long.

Without going into the details, it seems as though things are gradually being resolved after taking drastic measures. I'm glad my dad has pursued it to the end because he worked really hard for it and deserves his rewards. And not to mention that at this point, that amount of money will be a lifesaver for him. Literally. I really hope that things work out well for him. I can't imagine what he must be feeling now, after being played over by family time and time again. I pray that he has the strength to pick himself up once again and keep moving forward. I hope he tries his best to find some happiness in the crappy situations he seem to find himself facing time and time again. Mummy is probably right. The least we can do is give him some moral support, so he knows that he's not doing all that for nothing. At the end of the day, I know in my heart that he is a good man, that he had no evil intentions in everything he does. Yes, he has made silly mistakes. He has done some really stupid things. But I don't think he truly means harm. Doesn't make it right, but even prisoners get a second chance in life after rehabilitation right? I don't think I can forgive him for some of the things he's done, not just yet. The cheating, the violence, the anger. I still cannot agree with some of the things he says and does. The spending of money, the splurging, etc. I still don't believe I can accept him as a suitable role model for my child to learn from. But he is still my dad, and I think I'll at least give him the chance to prove himself.

As for my grandma, sigh. She's old. Cannot blame her for anything. But she's also stubborn and obstinate. She still has in her mind that her little girl is all innocent and crap. She doesn't realise that she no longer knows her well enough anymore after all these years of living apart. I can only hope that this next month that she spends with my da gu gu on holiday and all will cheer her up some and bring her some peace.

I see now that dad has been played for a fool and thrown to the wolves by his own sister, when he trusted her and worked so hard to succeed with her. It makes me very sad to know that. Makes my heart break a little. As his daughter, I never want to see these things happen to him. As his wife, it must be hard for my mom to see him as depressed and upset as he is. Sigh.

I guess the whole point of this rambling post is to say I'm sorry to my dad, for jumping to conclusions and for assuming right off the bat that he was at fault. And to have him know that I'm still on his side and even though I'm not there, I have not abandoned him. As his children, we shouldn't. He may not necessarily be the kind of dad we hope to have or want our own children to have, but he does love us in his own way. He has mellowed with age... maybe with time, he'll mellow further.