On becoming a sleep nazi

My name is Cleo and I am becoming a sleep nazi.

There, that's my admission.

Let me explain in detail.

Bear with me, for this may be a bit confusing...

my thoughts are not yet organised, I'm just writing down everything I know.

In my quest to ensure I'm doing the best for my baby boy's growth and development,

I stumbled upon resources that explained the importance of a baby's sleep habits and patterns.

Then I started rewinding the past 2 months and the biggest 'ah-ha' moment happened.

And this would be one of my regrets -

that during my pregnancy, I worried more about the pregnancy, and then the labour and birth,

and neglected to learn about babies.

Granted, I knew the basics.

But who knew that taking care of a baby is an entire science of its own?

I had no idea how important sleep was,

and more crucially, I had no idea how to help my baby get the sleep that he needed.

What happens when babies sleep?

Did you know that babies' brains develop not when they're awake, but more so when they are asleep?

From the moment they open their eyes, they are learning.

They are eagerly absorbing every little thing they experience in their surroundings.

Even the littlest things we as grown ups take for granted.

Shadows, light, perception, depth, distances, colours, sounds, even the tiniest paint patterns on the wall next to them.

Even if you are not talking to them, they are learning just by listening.

Of course they learn from active play, but while so little, the most fascinating to them is their surroundings.

Not toys and books and such.

So if you put yourself in their shoes, a mere 5 minutes of wake time can be really overwhelming, and more then those little senses can take.

Hence they need to sleep.

Not only to rest their senses from all that stimulation, but also to recharge their batteries, and most importantly to consolidate all that they've learned.

While they are asleep, neurons are firing in their rapidly developing brain, and important connections are forming.

Important connections that form the foundation to everything else they will experience in their lives.

How much sleep babies need

Most people are surprised at how much sleep babies need.

Here are the average typical sleep requirements per day for babies at different ages:

1st month = 18 to 20 hours

2nd and 3rd month = 15.5 to 18 hours

4 months = 15 hours

6 months = 14.5 hours

9 months = 14 hours

15 months = 13.5 hours

2 years = 13 hours

These are obviously average figures, and different babies WILL have different sleep needs.

For instance one 2 month old baby would only need 15 hours, whilst another would need 19 hours.

This is where parents and caregivers come in with the crucial role of observing the baby closely and recognising early sleep cues.

Every baby has their own tired cues.

And the younger they are, the more obvious they will be.

Most babies will generally slow down, their movement becoming more jerky and uncoordinated than normal, their attention starts to wander (e.g. if looking at you, will look away and seem uninterested anymore), their brow bone area turns red, they start batting or pulling their ears, or they'll start rubbing their eyes.

By the time you notice the first yawn, or when they become hyperactive and fussy, or when they start dozing off while nursing or at the bottle, they are probably already overtired.

For many babies, especially those older babies over 5/6 months old, if you miss their subtler tired cues, they will usually skip right over the yawning and eye-rubbing phase and head straight for hyper/fussy/cranky mode.

Overtiredness

All sleep problems are at least partly due to overtiredness.

Some problems my have been initiated by illness, teething, or phases; but because these events do lead to a lost of sleep, the baby will become eventually overtired.

The most common cause of overtiredness is due to an inappropriate sleep routine/schedule.

Babies DO need much more sleep than adults and older children in order to be at their best, as well as, to sleep well.

This is because: Sleep Begets Sleep.

This means that well-rested children accepts sleep more readily, sleeps better and longer than overtired ones. (Dr. Weissbluth - Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child).

Babies need an early bedtime, usually anywhere from 530-8pm; depending on the child's natural wakeup time, if he's more of an 11hr or 12hr per night baby, and how good/poor the previous nights/naps were.

Baby's bedtime should be within this time frame by the time he's 3.5 months old. If he's waking up every 1-3hrs all through the night, that is usually a clear indication that his bedtime is too late and he's overtired.

Typically, babies over 4 months need 11-12hrs of nightsleep daily in order to be well-rested enough to sleep well.

This is true for about 75% of babies.

About 10% of the baby population, need slightly more (12-13hrs) or slightly less (10-11hrs) than average, not including time lost due to feedings/nightwakings.

If baby tends to wake 1-3 times over a 12+hr night (feedings are generally age dependent), take a decent feed during these wakings (i.e.appear genuinely hungry), goes back down easily after eating (instead of fighting sleep) and wakes up happy and well-rested in the morning;

then baby's probably had enough sleep.

If baby's waking frequently at night crying, takes just a nibble, cries/fusses a lot, appear tired and  cranky during both nights and day;

then baby's probably overtired.

Maximum wakeful periods

At different ages and stages of their development, babies have a maximum wakeful period (or wake time) during which they are alert, awake and happy.

This is the time from which they first wake up from their nap, rested and happy, to the time they fall asleep for their next nap again.

Important thing to note is that this is NOT the time from which you pick them up and bring them out of their room to play, NOR is it until the time you put them back in their crib or whatever sleeping place.

The clock start from the moment they are awake and not willing to go back to sleep, and stops only when they actually fall asleep again.

Maximum wakeful period at various ages:

Less than 2 month = 1hr

3 months = 1.5hrs

4/5 months = 2hrs

6 months = 2.5hrs

8/9 months = 3hrs

10+ months = 3-4 hrs.

Once the child is on 1 nap (transition usually occurs anywhere between 13-18 months), the wakeful period extends to 5/6 hrs.

It is again important to know that these are average figures.

Every baby is different, and you need to get to know your baby.

Some babies cannot stay awake for more than half an hour at 2 months old, but some are happy until 1.25 hours.

For instance, I've discovered that Xander's maximum wake time at 9 weeks old (now) is still 1 hour most of the time. 

This means that from the time he wakes up and nap extensions are not working because he is well-rested or hungry, I have a maximum of 45 minutes to get him changed, fed, entertained and back to bed.

It takes him about 15 minutes to wind down, so it works out perfectly and he's asleep by the 1 hour mark.

If I happen to dally abit and miss that short window to set him down in bed, I'll be in trouble because he gets overtired and cranky and he refuses to sleep, which just perpetuates the problem and I end up with a crying baby on my hands who just needs to sleep but can't sleep.

Mistakes and misconceptions

A common mistake and misconception people have and make, is that if you let babies sleep too much in the day, they wouldn't sleep at night.

How many of you have heard that saying before?

I have since learned that sleep begets sleep.

And in order for them to sleep peacefully at night, they need to have sufficient day sleep too.

Obviously, if they have monster naps of 4-5 hours at a stretch, this will be counter-effective.

Mainly because it causes day/night confusion as such long stretches of sleep should be reserved for night sleep.

Another reason is that it messes with the daily schedule of the baby, causing bed time to be much later than necessary, which in turn causes sleepless nights for the baby and parents.

Also because in order for baby to go for longer stretches at night without food, they need to tank themselves up during the day.

Ensuring that they are fed well during the day (monster naps would mean missing feeds), will help with ensuring good sleep at night.

On the other hand, anything less than 1 hour cannot be considered a nap for babies.

This is catnapping, and does nothing to help with overtiredness.

In fact, it can make it worse.

The most important thing here is to help baby sleep longer.

Help baby go back to sleep by extending nap time, by not picking baby up unless in distress, by encouraging sleep the same way you put baby down to sleep at the beginning.

I used to consider Xander's 45 minute naps as good, and would pick him up to play, feed, change or whatever if he stirs from his nap at that time.

Bad move, mama.

See, the thing is babies go through sleep cycles too.

Know how us as adults go through sleep cycles?

Deep sleep, REM sleep, light sleep, then back to deep sleep again?

Well, babies go through the same sleep cycles too.

The difference is that one sleep cycle for grown ups can take hours, whereas for a baby, one cycle can be as short as 15 minutes.

When they cycle round to light sleep, many babies would awake slightly, and start stirring, whining, fussing, even let out a few cries.

By rushing in and "comforting" baby, either by hushing, patting, picking up, etc, we are not giving baby the opportunity to cycle back to deep sleep again.

Most of the time, babies can do so.

If a baby doesn't have a clue how to cycle back to deep sleep again after awakening from light sleep, some sleep training is in order, to help baby learn how to fall asleep on their own, without help from daddy or mummy.

Again, you need to know your baby well enough.

If it is time for a feed and you know for sure that baby is hungry, then go to him and feed him.

If you know that baby is not hungry, probably not wet (or wet enough) and not in pain (usually one can tell from the type of cries), then let baby have the chance to fall back to sleep again.

It is important for them.

One other common misconception is when people say you need to make sure baby sleeps where there is noise, so baby doesn't get used to sleeping in silence.

On one hand, this is true.

You don't want to have to tip toe around a sleeping baby and let life stop just because baby is sleeping.

Sometimes noise is unavoidable and that's fine.

But think about it.

If you are sleeping and a door bangs, or the doorbell rings, wouldn't you wake up?

No matter how much of a deep sleeper you are, sudden loud noises will never fail to wake you up.

If even as an adult you can't stay asleep through noises like that, how can one realistically expect a baby to do so?

Even more so if you consider how sensitive their senses are, and how quickly they go through their sleep cycles.

Chances are, the phone will ring or the frying pan will drop on the floor just as baby is in light sleep, then you have no hope of keeping baby asleep.

White noise is another thing all together.

Most of us can sleep with the radio playing, with the TV on, with cars driving by on the road outside, with people talking in the background.

And so can a baby, most of the time.

That's the kind of noise baby should get used to listening to.

So while baby is sleeping, playing white noise or soft music in the background would help with this.

I've been on the receiving end of this piece of "advice" plenty of times, and to this day, I still try my darnest to not let the door bang while Xander is sleeping.

I had to drum this into dear husband's head the first few weeks home using the same logic above, because he just never had to watch whether the door banged or the toilet bowl cover dropped with aloud clang before.

Who can blame him as an only child?

For us, we have always been brought up to not bang the door when opening and closing ("the door knob is there for a freaking reason!") because we either had a sleeping baby in the house, or a sleeping father who hated noise like that.

But Xander sleeps in "relative silence" or with white noise playing in the background, and guess what? 

He can sleep in the car, while I'm at the shopping centre, anywhere.

So although it's quiet in the house, it's not something he has gotten "used" to.

Ok having said all that, the most important lesson is still to get to know your baby.

None of the above matters if your baby is just not "average", but with a personality that's uniquely theirs.

Some babies are super hyper-sensitive and very easily get over-stimulated.

These babies thrive in relative silence, with minimal handling, and are happiest when you just leave them alone besides when they need to be fed or changed of course.

These are the babies who scream at every bath time, change time, play time (if they are being bounced around and 20 different faces are trying to get his attention at the same time), and even sleep time if mummy/daddy tries to "comfort" them by rocking and bouncing and singing.

These babies need their solitude and silence, and if you want them to thrive and be happy, you do what they "ask".

No use trying to condition them to "get used to noise" or whatever, because chances are, these are babies who will grow up to be quiet, peace-loving children and adults.

That doesn't make them any less lovable or successful as persons.

Okay I've drifted off topic.

So how have I become a sleep nazi?

I have learned so much in this short time from my readings and research about babies and sleep, that I take sleep very seriously now.

I am now fully aware of how precious sleep is for my little one, and I'll do anything within my power to protect it.

I want to have a happy, alert and well-rested child.

Even if that means less time to spend together because he's mostly sleeping, it's still the quality that counts.

I've started watching him like a hawk during the day, with one eye on the clock.

At the first sign that he's getting tired, we start winding down and starting our sleep routine.

And even if he is not outwardly showing signs that he's sleepy, if the clock says it's time, it's time.

I'm not taking any chances, because it will not only mess up one nap, it'll mess up the whole day and chances are that night would be crap too.

This mama needs her sleep too!

After a few nights of getting up every single hour with him and taking more than an hour to get him to sleep at night, I started implementing all that I've learned and the results are pretty amazing.

For the past 2 days, he has taken awesome naps lasting anywhere between 2 to 3 hours each time.

When he's awake, he's happy and babbling and smiling and cooing.

When he goes down for his naps, all I need to do is turn on the fan, turn on the white noise, zip him up in his sleep bag, give him his paci, give him a quick kiss and walk out. 

Within 10 minutes, he's asleep.

Maybe I'll have to go in once or twice to replace his paci, but that's it.

And after fixing his naps, his night sleep is slowly catching up.

Because of how well he is napping during the day, I've been able to move his bedtime up from 8plus to around 7pm last night.

This is based on his natural wake up time of 7am for the day, so this ensures at least 11-12 hours of night sleep for him, minus his nightwakings.

And guess what? 

Last night, instead of waking up every hour or 2 hours, he slept till 1am, woke up for a feed and went back down to sleep immediately.

Then at 2am, he woke up crying because he needed help with burping, then went right back to sleep.

The next time he woke up was 4am for a feed and change, and not a sound until almost 7am when it was time for his next feed and wake up for the day.

This was exactly how I wanted it to be, and it happened :)

I'm keeping everything crossed that this is not just a fluke, and will keep happening as long as I remain vigilant about his sleep and schedule.

I'm obsessed with his sleep now, that's why I'm admitting to being a sleep nazi.

Anyone who comes up to me and says "never mind, I'm sure he can stay up and play a little longer with us" will get this reply from me - "when he's fussy, cranky, overtired and can't sleep, will you be the one waking up to deal with him when he wakes up every hour or 2 in the middle of the night?"

If you're not, then you have no right to comment.

Simple :)

Obviously we'll have our bad days when nothing will go as planned, but at least now I'm armed with the tools needed to get back on track, and can do what needs to be done to undo the damage done.

(wah, chim :P)

Speaking of which, tomorrow will be a bad day for sure.

Because little Xander is getting his 2 month vaccinations :(

2 shots and an oral dose.

Ouch.

Poor baby :(

I think even if he doesn't cry, I'll probably cry first.

And I don't even wanna imagine what side effects he'll suffer from.

Sore legs from the jabs, fever maybe?

Bleah.

Not fun.

Anyway.

I think I've learned alot more from my readings and research that I forgot and did not write down here.

But most of it is here I guess.

The reason why I'm spending this time writing this, is so that when #2 comes around, I can come back and refer to this.

And remind myself why sleep is so darn important, and why I need to start cultivating good sleep habits for my babies from day 1.

I would hate for sleep debt to accumulate and bad habits to form, then later having to go through intensive sleep training to break those habits.

Painful, to say the least.

And maybe this will help anyone who's reading and who will one day have babies of their own too :)

Sharing is caring right?

Long and windy I know.

But hey, what to do?

I'm a nerd at heart and will always be.

Hey there little one,

sorry.

As a firstborn, you are unfortunately the guinea pig.

I'm still learning, so bear with me ok?

I love you :)