Resolutions

I don't know if I do believe in new year resolutions or not, but I'll give it a go anyway. These are some of the things I want to try and achieve in this new year, and some of the wishes I have for myself this year.

Love myself. I can see myself hurtling down the path of becoming the quintessential mother-martyr, and that is not who I want to become. Yes, my children are important to me and yes, he is the centre of my life now. These are indisputable facts and I am happy with it the way it is. But at the same time, self care is not selfishness. There is no guilt in loving myself and caring for myself. I may be a mother, but I am still a person who deserves to be happy. My son makes me happy. My husband makes me happy. But so does getting my hair done and going for Pilates sessions. As they say, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Right? So this year, I am going to try and stop feeling guilty about taking time for myself. I am going to try and not feel guilty whenever I spend a little bit of money on myself. Right now, it is hard not to feel guilty. I feel like I have to ask husband for permission before buying anything and spending any money on myself. But that is completely ridiculous because he is not expecting that. He has never once expected me to do so. It is not him, it's just my own silly mindset that needs to be adjusted. All he asks is for me to be sensible, and I think I'm more than capable of that. Just because I'm not earning an income doesn't mean that I don't deserve to indulge myself once in a while right? Some time this year, I am going to perm my hair again. Start going for regular Pilates sessions with the physiotherapist downstairs again (and not wait until I'm 6 months pregnant). Maybe go for a pedicure or 2. Perhaps buy myself a new pair of shoes. Make time to watch a movie from start to finish without without having to pause it to tend to the kid. You know, things like that.

Love my husband. This past year has a been a year of survival for us. Our relationship has taken a back seat to the more pressing task of caring for our son. There was the stress of his SPR application and his job situation. We did not get to enjoy each other as much as we should and even though our relationship is now stronger than ever, I think it is important for us to reconnect a little more. Even if it's just one night a week of no computer, so that we can snuggle on the couch and chat or make out after the kid has gone to bed. Before we have another baby and descend right back into survival mode again, I will try to find the time and effort to love my husband and re-affirm the stability and strength of our relationship. 

Love my son. This past year, although amazing, was also really tough and frustrating. I've lost my temper more often than I would have liked to. I've uttered not-so-nice things to him, mostly at 2.34am in the morning when I'm getting up to put him back to sleep for the 136th time that night. I've been a little rough in handling him when I'm this close to losing my marbles. Although these episodes have been few and far between and make up only a tiny tiny portion of our time together, it is enough to make me want to change that. I want to be more aware, more present, more conscious, more patient, more loving. These will be even more important in this next year as he enters his 2s and I try and tackle a full year of studies along with my Montessori teacher training program. I want him to know without a doubt that I love him and that he is precious to me, before we add another family member to our unit. I want to enjoy him and savour each moment with him, fleeting as they are. This year will come and go, as did the last, and before I know it, things would be different again. This year, I will love my son.

Stay organised. 2012 will be one heck of a crazy year and it will be more important than ever to stay organised and on top of things. Procrastination is not an option and laziness will come back to bite me in the butt big time. Last year, I fell behind on my readings for school and stressed out so badly with assignments and studying. I had to request for assignment extensions, something I've never had to do before. We had pasta too many nights in a row because it was the quickest meal option that I can find time to whip up. The apartment we live in became a pile of clutter because I had no time to keep on top of housework. The laundry piled up. The husband had to pick up my slack. I am going to try to make sure this does not happen this year. I will stay on top of things, I will get enough sleep so that I can function at 100% each day, I will plan our meals each week, I will stick to my study schedule, I will try my very best to be an organised homemaker, student, wife, mother, person. Trying is half the battle won, right?

Be present. Lastly, this year, I want to strive to be present at all moments. How many times have I caught myself thinking about all the other 101 things that I need to do, while I'm on the floor playing with my son? Too many. I would like to learn how to be 100% present in each moment that I'm in, and not worrying about other things. In each moment, there is nothing more important that what is going on then. When I'm out on a walk with my son, it is not fair for me to only give him part of my attention by thinking about the work that I still need to do, or the meal that I need to make. Being present in the moment will allow me to fully savour the joy and happiness of the moment, and make it a lasting memory. After all, it is all too fleeting, isn't it?

Bring on 2012 :)