Doula

11 July 2012, Wednesday

I've started the process of hiring a doula, to be my primary support person at Baby E's birth.

There are a few reasons for taking this step, even though it is going to cost us anywhere between $600 to $1000.

I am expecting that Jude will not be able to act as my primary birth support person because in all honesty, he is the only person I trust Xander with. And in order for me to be able to fully let go and focus on my job of birthing Baby E, I need to know deep down in my heart that Xander is fine. I'm not just talking about his physical needs - being fed and changed and bathed and rested. It's also about his emotional and psychological ones. The birth of a new sibling represents the biggest upheaval in his life so far and I want to do everything in my power to ensure that everything else remains as constant as possible, especially if I will be gone from him for a long period of time during labour and birth. Jude agrees. I will do what I can to have them both there at the birth if possible, so they can both witness the arrival of this little one earth-side. But I know that even if they were there, they would only be spectators and would not be able to provide any real support, besides the emotional and psychological type. Despite the fact that I intend to labour at home for as long as possible, definitely longer than I did the last time, I know I also cannot depend on Jude to be 100% there for me, the way he was the last time. Simply because his most important job is to be there for Xander during that time. So having someone who I am comfortable with there for me and only me, will be important to my birth goals.

This birth will likely take place in a hospital setting once again, something I wish I could avoid, but sadly circumstances doesn't allow for it. And I am hoping that having a doula who is more emotionally detached from me will help us, as a team, make more objective decisions and be able to stand up to the bureaucracy of the patriarchal medical system and policies and environment. Someone who will be able to keep a level head when things get tough and help us make the best and most informed decisions possible. As my husband, Jude gets way too affected when he sees me having a tough time and it makes it hard for him to say no to the medicos and to keep me on track towards my birth goals. It's like my pain is his too and it makes it so hard for him, which I can totally understand. So I am hoping that by hiring a doula, she will be able to do all that for and with me come crunch time.

Many doulas today come with extra special sets of skills - hypnosis, meditation, remedial massage, naturopathy, etc. And all that will come in handy. I am hoping to find someone who can provide pre- & postnatal massages in the comfort of my own home. And because I'll be taking a self-learning birthing course that focuses primarily on hypnobirthing, it would greatly help if we had a doula who is familiar and/or trained in this technique and can serve as a guide to help us work through it. And of course someone familiar with it would know exactly what to do to support me when I'm in labour.

Doulas are people I appreciate and admire, for the work that they do in supporting birthing women through their transition into motherhood is important and sacred. I've had the thought that one day, once my babies are a little more grown up, it is what I want to do too - birth and motherhood inspires me and I would like to play a part in helping other women find the same inspiration through their experiences. But that's later on. In the meantime, finding a doula that I can click with, and who can provide me with the right kind of support I'm seeking, will be a task that requires some research, some discussions, some interviews, and some decision making.

Since I'm saving more than $5k by going public, I don't think a few hundred dollars is too much to ask for, to ensure that I'm supported through my pregnancy and birth. I'm so excited about this and really hope I can find someone I love... hence my decision to start looking so early since most doulas don't take on many clients each month to ensure they can be on standby for all their clients. We'll see ;)