13 weeks and what's going on here.

Since my last pregnancy update post was a whole 5 weeks (?!?!?!?!) ago, I figured it is time for an update.

I've been gone from my blog for a long time, because things have been CRAZY around here.

First off, I had 2 assignments due a few weeks ago in the same week and I was working my tushie off to get it done, even with extensions granted from my tutors. I got them all done in the nick of time, and got a High Distinction for one of them, and am still waiting for the results of the other assignment. That HD was a complete shock. I was willing to settle for a credit. And even Jude who looked through my assignment for me was not convinced it was even distinction material for various reasons, not all within my control. But you know what? I still worked so hard for it and will take it! I now have to work on my next 2 assignments, due the first week of October (which means I have about 3-4 weeks to get them done) and these will be much more challenging so I wouldn't expect any updates here any time soon until that's over and done with.



As you know, we had planned to move out of our current apartment by the first week of October at the end of our current lease. We wanted to move to a bigger place, with a little bit more room for our growing family. We wanted a place that is not an apartment, so that our children have room to run and play, without worrying about disturbing our neighbours downstairs with banging pots and pans. But we have decided otherwise in the last week, for a few reasons.

We started looking around for a new rental place in August. But everywhere we looked, the agents told us that no, we won't wait so long for you to start your lease. We need someone to take the lease now. They said we should start looking only about 3 weeks before we intended to start our lease. Initially we said okay. But now, it's just way too daunting. 3 weeks. To search the listings and to go for inspections. To submit our applications and get it approved. To pack up our crap and move. To clean up both places nice and good. To set up electricity, gas, power, internet, phone, water, etc. To change addresses. I can't. We can't. Not in my current condition, and not when I have assignments due in this same time period. So stressful you guys. Too stressful.

To get our rental application for a new place approved, we need to submit proof of income and blah blah blah. And unfortunately, Jude's job situation is so rocky now that he is not guaranteed a full-time job past December this year. Administrative strengthening, according to his bosses. In other words, redundancies and lay offs. The employment situation here in Melbourne at the moment is WOEFUL to say the least, and we don't know what will happen after the end of this year. Getting a new rental application approved would be difficult for those reasons. So we've decided to just stay where we are, where our current agent LOVES us and will do anything to keep us as tenants.

Financially, we are okay. But moving would seriously stress out our bank accounts. Hiring movers would cost a few thousand dollars. We would need to hire someone to come and pack/unpack our stuff for us, because I won't be able to do it all on my own with Xander in the way. That would be another couple of hundreds of dollars. Then having to pay 1 month's rent in advance and 1 month's rent deposit to secure a new place, would set us back almost 3000 bucks. We would have nothing left by the end of that. And I don't want that. I've lived from hand to mouth before, with double digits in my bank account and I swore I never will live like that EVER again. So the financially responsible thing to do, is stay put where we are and make the best out of it.

Lastly, this pregnancy is not going so well for me, and the last thing I need is more stress. Plus my plans of not spending any money on this pregnancy and birth besides the essential diagnostic tests (less than $200) may not come true, so I need to be careful and prudent.



That leads me to my pregnancy update.

I'm 13 weeks along with our Baby E now, so it's the last week of my 1st trimester and the 2nd trimester is almost here. I'm looking forward eagerly to the 1st trimester ending, because it has been a hell of a ride. One I do not wish to go through EVER again if I can help it.

I've been sicker and more exhausted that I have ever been. And it has been a struggle to keep myself going, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought it was just part and parcel of pregnancy, since every pregnancy is different, but it may not be.

My GP ordered thyroid function tests for me back at 8 weeks, as part of my routine pregnancy blood panel testing. And they came back abnormal. So she ordered more tests plus an ultrasound of my thyroid glands. These tests found that I had hyperthyroidism and I had increased blood flow in my thyroid glands, as well as small nodules on my thyroids. This can mean many things - viral thyroiditis, thyrotoxicosis, Graves' Disease, etc. All not good in a pregnant mama. The thyroid plays a huge role in hormonal balance in our body and there is no other time when hormonal balance is more important than in pregnancy. So much can go wrong with hyperthyroidism in pregnancy. Pre-eclampsia, stillbirth, miscarriage, pre-term birth, low birth weight, neonatal thyroid dysfunction, intrauterine growth retardation, etc.

The midwives at the hospital had tentatively accepted me into their practice, meaning I'll be cared for by a team of midwives and be able to have a waterbirth, without having to see an obstetrician at all. But with these thyroid issues, they now want me to see an obstetrician and have him give me clearance for midwifery care. My GP also referred me to a specialist endocrinologist, who I've seen and she wants to run more tests to determine if it's a pregnancy-onset thyroid dysfunction that will go away in the 2nd trimester, or if there's more to it.

If it goes away, all's good. If it doesn't, we'll have to look into medications and it will automatically put me into a high-risk category and I will have no choice but to see a specialist obstetrician throughout the rest of my pregnancy. It would also mean additional ultrasounds and monitoring to monitor the growth of Baby E, to ensure that baby is growing normally and there are no visible signs of neonatal thyroid issues.

We had our first ultrasound done at 12 weeks and 2 days last week and although everything looks healthy and normal, with an insignificant risk of genetic abnormalities, Baby E is measuring significantly smaller than Xander did at the same stage of gestation. Xander measured 6.7cm, Baby E only 5.6cm. Still within normal range, but a low 23rd percentile. No one seems concerned, and truthfully, no one even saw the CRL measurements (crown to rump length). But my fear is that my untreated thyroid issues have already had an impact on the growth of Baby E in this crucial first trimester, when the most growth and amazing changes happen in a fetus. At the same time, I'm not down on the whole medication thing, because all medications come with its risks and side effects. Even thyroid regulatory medications approved for use in pregnancy have its known side effects on both mother and child. As a mama who doesn't even take Panadol for a headache or Strepsils for a sore throat in pregnancy, this scares me. So it's a no-win situation that is stressful and worrying. And stress makes thyroid problems worse. See the irony there?

I'm waiting to go for more blood tests next week and following up with both the obstetrician and endocrinologist in a few weeks and until then, I don't know what is going to happen. The endo seems pretty confident that it is just a pregnancy thing that will go away in a few weeks, but I don't know... Then again, I'm not the expert right?

So yes. Hyperthyroidism. With all its symptoms multiplied by early pregnancy, I'm a walking disaster. Nausea, heart palpitations, headaches, fatigue (like constantly living in a fog with an elephant sitting on your head kind of intense fatigue), hot flashes, insomnia (like it takes me more than 2 hours of tossing and turning in bed to fall asleep kind of insomnia), anxiety, muscle weakness, hair loss (like where did my shiny amazing pregnancy hair that I had with Xander go this time?), and more. All that, and having to care for Xander and cook and do the laundry and go grocery shopping and study and everything, is hard. It's so hard you guys. I grit my teeth and do it because I cannot neglect my husband and son just because of how I'm feeling, but it's hard to understand how hard it is. I have everything crossed that it will all go away in the 2nd trimester, because I really need to get my life back. I need to be the wife, student, mother, and person I want to be. Not this worn out, sick and tired little pathetic person.

I thought I got lucky with this pregnancy. The fact that it only took us 2 months of trying to actually get pregnant, compared to the heartache I went through with Xander more than 2 years ago. But I guess the universe is out to prove to me that nothing about becoming a mother is going to be easy, whether it's my first or second time.

On the plus side, I have a nice rounded belly now with a half protruding belly button already. Yes. At 13 weeks. It's kinda crazy. I've been feeling little butterfly flutters since about 10 weeks, which have intensified to pops and kicks in the last week or so. At night, when lying down, I can even place my hand over my belly and feel those tiny little kicks and tumbles. Those are the only things that keep me going with this pregnancy, knowing there's a burgeoning life growing in me and that all of it will be worthwhile at the end. Doesn't mean I'll ever choose to do this again, but I have come to fall in love with my Baby E and despite everything that is hard about this pregnancy, I am still looking forward to a healthy beautiful child at the end of it all.