Confirmation

Confirmation from a non-medical source (meaning, not a doctor):

 First one on top was on Wed, 31/3 and the next two I did yesterday, Thursday 1/4.

 One more this morning. As I told baby, "must make sure the little one is still in there ;)" Oh and I decided to write down the dates on it. See how the test lines on the left side of the tests got darker from the first to the second, then from the 3rd to the 4th? Ahhh... bliss :) never knew 2 lines that get darker each day can bring me such joy :)

Then baby came up with a brilliant idea! "Why don't you just write the date on the paper and then take picture?" Hehe! So here are the results.... 31/3.

1/4 and 2/4. This ain't no April Fool's joke I assure you :)

And the lovely line up :) I swear I'll bring up the courage to throw them out. soon.

Doctor's appointment with my GP has been booked for Wed at 7pm, and I will probably go get my blood test done on Tuesday during lunch... It's easy with the trams :) Once everything has been confirmed by the doctor, the first people to know will be Edna, Rozy, sisters, brother, mother, grandparents and cousins :) I can't wait to share the happy happy news with the whole wide world! but that will have to wait till past the 1st trimester.

I am so over the moon over this super cool news, and so is husband :) even though he doesn't really express it the same way i do, i know that he is equally as happy about it as i am. he's even started singing to my tummy this morning in bed and rubbing my tummy :) the feeling is so damn incredible and fills my heart with love :) i now know what it is like to love and be loved equally as much...

Now, i'm hyper aware of everything that's happening inside me. Every little twitch, cramp or pain, I get worried that period will come and my joy will be taken from me. I don't think I'll be able to enjoy this pregnancy the way it deserves to be enjoyed, because i'm just paranoid most of the time. But i'm gonna try because husband and this little one deserves it :)

At the moment, I'm still feeling pretty good and normal for this early stage. All I'm feeling is a constant need to go pee (like ALL the time, like every hour I gotta go at least once or twice) but that might also be because i'm drinking more water, knowing that my body and the growing one needs it. I'm constantly tired, especially so after lunch at around 2pm or so... it's like I need a siesta! I'm also constantly hungry, but no real appetite for food. Nausea sets in first thing in the morning while I'm struggling to wake up and also in the evening if i got too busy at work and forgot to snack on food in the afternoon. I guess it comes on whenever my tummy starts to empty out so I'll have to make sure I always have some scraps of food in my tummy. But then again, it's not unbearable and I'm not really throwing up or anything (yet, thankfully) so it's ok. Just an overall unwell feeling. Plus with the increased body temperature, it feels like i'm running a fever and just sick with the flu or something. And i think the worse of it all is sore and swollen breast. This is probably just the beginning, but it's making sleeping at night a literal nightmare, and even walking fast makes it hurt. I don't have very good bras, so that's the problem I guess. I've even taken to sleeping in my sports bra cos of the extra support it gives. Husband loves the new handful he gets though ;)

BUT. having said that, I'll take every single symptom and discomfort this pregnancy has to offer if it means that we'll get a healthy and happy child at the end of it. It'll be all worthwhile :) I've waited for this moment for more than 3 years now... almost 4 and I can't believe it is really happening. It has taken us at least 6-8 months of trying au naturale and then 3 months on clomid to end up here and I never quite figured out how it'll be like to finally be here. This is a new life and a new beginning, and this child is a new being. one we've created together as proof of our dedication and love for each other. He or she will be an extension of our bond and will live on as evidence of our commitment to each other. Without jude, there would be no child and i wouldn't want it otherwise. I cannot imagine another man i would like to raise my children with. :)

I'm going by LMP date of 28 Feb 2010, and average cycle length of 32 days, and the little one growing in there would be 4W1D today, which means I'm into the 5th week of this pregnancy and this week...

Size of little one: About 1/2 a cm long, and undergoes a growth spurt this week

How little one grows this week: By the end of this week, heart will start beating and blood will start circulating. Major organs begin to grow (intestines, liver, kidney, appendix etc), limbs start to sprout, facial features are developing, nostrils are becoming distinctive and the earliest version of the eye's retinas are forming.

My pregnancy symptoms: occasional nausea, super tiredness, very very sore breasts which seem to have grown LARGER overnight with ugly green veins running through it, bloatedness, constipation.

How I'm feeling now: happy, excited, hesitant, worried, every little feeling you can imagine i'm feeling right now. but above all, the feeling of being loved :)

Hey there little one,

I see you've finally decided to give us a chance.

Thank you :)

I know you're in there now, 

and I will do everything I can to make your home for the next 9 months are comfortable and safe as possible.

Mummy and daddy are both head over heels in love with you already, 

so please please stay safe and keep growing strong.

You have made us very happy and we can't wait for you to join our little family and change our lives forever...

We will protect, nurture and let you grow into the wonderful little person we know you will be.

I can't wait for the day I finally see you and your tiny little heartbeat.

I can't wait for the day I can proudly shout out to the whole world that I'm gonna be a mummy to this precious child.

I can't wait for the day I finally start showing, and can rub my belly in that quiet contentment, knowing I'm never really alone.

I can't wait for the day I finally start feeling you tossing, turning, tumbling and kicking inside me, reminding me that you're there and you can't wait to come out and meet me.

I can't wait for the day you finally start moving enough so that daddy can see and touch you too, reminding him that you are real.

I can't wait for the day you finally arrive, when we get to meet you for the first time and marvel and how perfect I know you will be.

But I will wait ever so patiently, and keep you in there, safe and sound from the outside world until you are ready to face the world, separate from me, but forever with me...

A little something for my little one that I read somewhere...

I pictured an angel
When I prayed for you,
I know I was heard,
My dreams have come true.
We cherish this gift,
a life to unfold.
Entrusted forever,
To have and to hold.

Right here, inside me, you have begun to dwell
A real life, in fluid blankets, softly wrapped
It’s exalting, amazing, to know you’re in there
So wonderful, so delightful, you have my attention trapped.

I can’t believe its happening
That I’m really carrying you
My laughter, my tears, to you related
And so is everything else I do.

In there, I can imagine you breathe
Your movements, carefully monitored by Dad,
Excitement, then, ripples through both of us,
Even if the pain’s a little worse than bad.

I’m scared to death, really nervous
About whether I’ll ever be a good Mom to you
But I promise you one thing, now and forever
That I’ll give up my life for you if I have to.

My love, my affection, will all be directed
To you as the focus, much to Dad’s despair
But I love him equally too, you know,
And he knows that, and about you, does equally care.

We’ll do all possible to give you a good life
To rear you well, and watch you grow up
You know, don’t you, that you’re a bundle of joy -
Enormous, but tiny enough for my hands to cup.

I’m so happy, I just can’t explain
A single, short poem cannot even express,
But I love you very much, and will always do so,
That is all I suppose I really wanted to impress.

To be able to love someone even before you've ever set eyes on him or her,

is pretty incredible.

It's a powerful feeling that I will never forget.

One that I will treasure for the rest of my life.