Home alone.

Yes I'm home alone today.

Decided not to go to work today, cos I'm just feeling wwaaaay too crappy.

The nausea is getting from bad to worse and it seems that the only way I can stop myself from actually throwing up, is by constantly munching on something.

Yesterday at work, I had to constantly snack.

First it was breakfast, 

then rice crackers (healthier than chips or chocolate),

then lunch,

then instant miso soup,

then a croissant (that I nibbled on and took me half an hour to finish),

then a hot chicken pie,

then dinner and fruits.

The only time I did not retch or felt faintly human, was when my mouth was actively munching on something.

I doubt I'll be able to stop myself from putting on some weight in this first trimester, but it's better than throwing up at work.

Today I just felt like absolute crap and decided to give work a miss.

Thankfully bosses are nice, though they don't know that I'm pregnant yet. 

Plus, I got an accounting assignment that's due tomorrow by 5pm that I haven't finished yet. 

So perfect timing for me to stay home, rest, and get this freaking assignment done.

I love studying and working on assignments and stuff.

I think it's a huge privilege to be able to study.

But in my current situation, I would be very grateful if I could just lie in bed all day and do what I want instead of stress about deadlines.

But I need to finish what I started.

Exams will be first 2 weeks of June, which would coincide with the end of the first trimester for me, so hopefully the stress of studying for exams and finishing assignments won't take its toll before the end of this danger period.

When I first found out that we're having a baby, my immediate thought was what about my studies?

Although we have been planning and trying, I never actually thought about it cos I didn't think we'll succeed so soon.

My initial thought was , ok baby will be due in december, the next semester starts in august and ends in october, so i can still do one more semester.

I talked to husband about it, and he was like "no way, i think you should just defer for one year".

I'll be tired, uncomfortable, stressed out and anticipating baby.

I won't have the energy to keep up with all that, plus work and school.

Plus, one more semester means about 2k plus more.

And we can't afford that kind of money when we are about to go down to just one income.

So better I just concentrate on keeping myself and baby healthy once this semester is over, and think about school again when baby gets a little older.

And now I believe husband is absolutely right... 

If I don't even wanna finish what I'm doing now, 

how to start a new semester right?

And thinking about it, if we have to pay about 3k plus for the obstetrician (stupid medicare safety net policy changes), and expect an increase in rent once our current lease is up in October, the 2k saved from not doing one more semester will come in very handy.

I hate that our rent is gonna increase every year and I hate that we may have to displace ourselves and baby and look for a new place if rent increases to beyond our one-income ability.

Oh well.

I shall not stress over what I cannot control.

I repeat, I shall not stress over what I cannot control.

Ok back to assignment and munching.

Hey there little one,

mummy may be complaining about how she's feeling,

but know that mummy loves you very very much and will gladly take on whatever discomfort if it means you will keep growing strong and healthy.

there is nothing more important than you and your daddy in my life right now

and we are more than grateful for your presence in our lives...

can't wait to see you on saturday!!!