I just wanna go home.

I was hit hard by disappointment yesterday.

I never said anything about it before, for fear of jinxing it.

But I guess now there's nothing much to jinx.

We submitted an SPR application for Jude in October last year.

We each wrote a pleading letter stating why this PR for him was so darn important.

He's married to a Singaporean who really wants to be back in SG.

His mum is a Singaporean who is facing tough health issues, what with the brain tumour and radiotherapy and stuff.

He has a new baby who we would very much like to be a Singaporean and grow up in SG (well, at that time we were still expecting the baby).

We really want to go back and live in SG, and contribute to the society there, where the values are a match with ours.

We had really high hopes.

After all, the government is pressing hard on the matter of children supporting their elderly parents right?

They even passed legislation making it compulsory.

So how can they deny his wish to be there for his mum right?

Well, WRONG.

"After careful assessment, we regret to inform you that your application is not successful as your spouse has not fulfilled his National Service obligations when he was a Singapore Permanent Resident."

This despite the fact that we stated very clearly that he is willing to fulfill those obligations if necessary.

This despite the fact that this is an issue that has been relentlessly pursued for many many years, with several letters going to several places, including the PM's office.

This despite the fact that this whole debacle is NOT his fault and was not his intention in the first place.

Without going into the details cos that long story would take me eons to write, let's just say that he would have happily and willingly served NS if he knew he had to.

But now we all have to pay the price for that.

It's not just me who wants to return to Singapore.

He too.

We're just really sick and tired of crap that we face here in Oz.

The job situation is dismal.

We'll NEVER be able to afford a house of our own and face the prospect of renting for a LONG LONG time.

The education system here is PATHETIC compared to Singapore and I really don't wish for my children to have to be educated here.

And we really miss life back in SG.

Our family, our friends, everyone we love, we miss.

This feeling has gotten steadily stronger since expecting our little boy.

I want my boy to be able to grow up around loving people.

Around family.

Like the big extended family I grew up in and love.

It makes me sad whenever I think about him missing out.

Most importantly, it makes me sad to think about the people whom I know love us dearly and would like to be able to spend more time watching the little one grow up.

I mean, I have old grandparents who face the prospect of not having any or much contact with their first great grandchild.

As much as I would love to go back to SG for visits more often to enable this contact, we just can't afford to do so.

I'm not working anymore.

Means only 1 income.

And even that 1 income is not steady.

Not by want of trying, that's just the situation here.

That's why I call it dismal.

We have rent, utilities, insurance, car payments, etc to cover.

Air tickets are a luxury.

Even if we get air tickets sponsored by someone else, where's the income gonna come from to continue paying rent and stuff while we're away?

No work, no pay.

Simple as that.

So we're stuck here.

And it's a shitty feeling when you find out that the place your heart calls home doesn't really want you.

They are willing to "let you go" just because of some silly mistake/misunderstanding from 13 years ago.

To find out that even me saying I want to go home because I'm a Singaporean is not enough...

so much for the belief that people are the country's most important resource.

You want babies?

I got one.

And I'll have more!

But you don't want?

Sigh.

Now we face a lengthy and un-promising appeals process.

There's the option of appealing to MPs from both his mum and my official GRC Tampines, and potentially the Pasir Ris one.

I don't have much hope with this (even though he insists I shouldn't give up like that), considering that he's appealed before. To the highest authorities.

There's the option of him fronting court as a NS defaulter and facing those charges and accepting those penalties (jail, fine, both?).

What else?

Don't know.

What I know for damn sure is my husband ain't going to jail for something he didn't do.

Ridiculous, if you ask me.

Is it worth it?

Oh I don't know.

I don't think so.

Sigh.

Even then, there's no guarantees.

And how to get a job as teacher after that?

SIGH.

I love this man.

With everything that I've got, no matter what the situation.

It's not his fault that we are in this bind.

And I know he's trying his best.

Ultimately, home is where our life takes us together.

I wish and pray with all my heart that it takes us back home to SG,

but it will be wherever he is.

And I'll make the best of it.

For now, let me grieve the loss of the home my heart yearns for.

I just wanna go home...
And no, I ain't going no where without my man.