I heart Dunstan

We recently discovered the Dunstan Baby Language system.

And I heart its founder, Priscilla Dunstan.

It's like she opened a window to my little one's mind for me,

allowing me to look right in and know exactly what is it that he wants and needs when he starts crying.

Here's a sneak peek.

The system classifies baby's cries into 5 distinct categories.

The hunger cry is 'neh',

the tired cry is 'owh',

the upper wind (i.e. i need to burp) cry is 'eh',

the lower wind (i.e. my tummy hurts and i need to fart) cry is 'eairgh',

the discomfort (i.e. my nappy is wet/i'm cold/i'm hot) cry is 'heh'.

I was abit skeptical of it at the beginning,

but watching the DVD and then listening to Xander's cries completely changed my mind.

It really really works!

Of course I've started a little late and some of his cries have developed a characteristic of his own and doesn't really seem to fit into the 5 classifications,

but overall, it does.

And that makes for a happy mama, and a happy bubba.

I've always mistaken his insistent "eh, eh, eh, eh" sounds and cries as hunger,

especially if it's coupled with his rooting and sucking reflexes.

But now I've learnt that although he may indeed still be hungry,

the more urgent need is for him to burp.

He has gas and it's gotta get out before more food can get in.

So now,

instead of struggling with getting an uncomfortable baby to latch on to the boob only for him to pull himself off seconds later wailing,

I know I just need to persevere with the burping,

get it out,

then pop him back onto the boob.

Works wonders :)

He now fusses so much less at the boob,

making breastfeeding so much less frustrating for me and him both.

And man this baby can belch.

Like father like son.

Haha!

Another thing I've learnt from the DVD that I never knew before,

was that babies need to be burped throughout the day,

not just after feedings.

As soon as you hear his upper wind sounds,

get him up and burping and he'll be more comfortable.

And I've been doing that.

He would stir awake from his afternoon nap making those uncomfortable "eh, eh, eh" sounds,

and now I know to just pick up him,

burp him,

wait till he lets out his great big belch,

put him back down,

and back to sleep he goes.

Like magic :)))

Or if he wakes up in the middle of the night with his "heh, heh, heh" fussy sounds,

all I have to do is change his diaper,

make sure he isn't feeling too hot or too cold,

then put him back into his crib and he'll probably fall back to sleep again.

No need to feed every single time he wakes up.

He's a big, strong baby who's growing well and putting on weight well.

He is taking in more than enough calories at each feeding to last him more than the 2 hour naps he takes.

That I have learnt :)

Of course there are times when he's just fussy and annoyed,

and his cries don't fit into any of those 5 classifications.

Those are times he just needs to cuddle and get some attention.

And we gladly give it to him :)

We'll cuddle, talk, make faces, blow kisses with him until he tells us something else,

and when that happens,

all we have to do is tune in to his sounds and make sure we attend to his needs before he breaks out into song and full-blown wailing.

I enjoy him a little bit more now :)

Things have been a little frustrating for baby I think.

With him back at work and not having as much time to spend with Xander as he likes,

he's not able to tune in to him as quickly,

as much as he tries.

I feel bad, but what can I do?

All I can do is try my best to encourage him and to let him have time to hang out with his son whenever he's at home.

But at the same time,

I also feel like I'm dumping the kid on him after he's had a long day at work.

He comes back frustrated from work,

listens to Xander's frustrating cries,

they both get even more frustrated,

and there's no happy ending.

There are times when I feel like I'm all loved out, all touched out, and all encouraged out.

Spending all day with a baby in my arms, 

needing my every attention and love,

it takes a lot out of a girl.

A lot.

A whole heaping ladle worth of a lot.

Sometimes at the end of the day,

I feel like I have no more left to give.

Whether it be for Xander, for baby, or for myself.

And then I start feeling bad,

like I'm neglecting either one of them,

and the evil cycle perpetuates.

Like I'll want to give baby positive encouragement when he gets disheartened with stuff,

but I can't seem to dig it out from inside me to give it to him.

I don't know how to explain this and have it make sense actually.

It's like I really really want to,

but actually finding the resources in me to actually do it is impossible at that point in time.

But give me an hour or two to myself or to sleep or to just take a shower and there it is.

I found it and I can give it now.

Make any sense?

Maybe not.

Oh well.

Like when Xander pees all over the changing table while he's getting changed by baby and he forgot to prepare a clean diaper under him,

or like when Xander his crying and baby doesn't know what he wants.

When that happens,

I just wanna soothe him and comfort him and give him a great big giant "it's okay" hug,

but I have to first give all that to Xander.

And when the time comes to give it to baby,

it's like there's no more left.

The tank is empty.

So completely empty.

Sigh.

I knew right from the beginning that our relationship was going to take a back-seat.

That our mutual needs was going to have to come second to the little one.

At least for awhile until he becomes more independent and don't need us to tend to his every little need anymore.

I was prepared for it.

But it doesn't change that fact that it's hard.

So incredibly hard.

It's crazy when at the end of the day,

I feel like I just need a great big hug, a cuddle and a kiss from baby to replenish the "love supply" in me,

but at the same time I also feel like I want my skin to myself for once.

Like I've spent my whole day having skin-to-skin contact with this little person,

can I just have my skin to myself for a while?

Crazy right?

Completely contradictory feelings at the same time.

Drives me bloody insane sometimes,

and I'm sure it sends baby into a tailspin of "what the hell does she want?" too.

All I can be grateful and thankful for,

is that baby has always been my best friend.

And when I can't have a lover at this point in time,

it's nice to have your best friend around.

Someone who understands and can put your needs above his own.

I try to do the same too,

but I fail sometimes.

I'm ashamed of it, but I admit to it.

I'm sorry baby...

I'll strive to do better.

I promise.

I can only say that the multiple roles I'm playing right now in my life is making it difficult to find a balance.

How can I be a good mother to a brand new baby, 

a good wife to the husband I married,

a good daughter to the parents and grandparents I have a gazillion miles away,

a good sister, cousin, friend, etc,

ALL at the same time?

How?

The kiddo needs me the most,

cos let's face it,

he has no one else to turn to when he's hungry or when he's tired or when he's uncomfortable.

I'm the only one at home with him all day.

But is it fair to everyone else?

And what about myself?

I go about my day,

knowing that this too shall pass.

That these days are all too fleeting,

and one day everything will find its place in my life again.

That gets me through.

That and love.

Lots of love.

All the love that I have to give and all that I get.

Oh and the knowledge that this little person I nurtured and grew as part of me for 9 months will soon become his own person, 

with absolutely no need for me anymore.

Yeah sure, that'll be in about 16 years' time.

But it'll be too soon I'm sure.

Too soon in my eyes.

Treasure the little moments while they last,

for they do not stay around forever.

Hey there little one,

you're growing up so fast now.

Part of me is grateful and so extremely happy that you're growing well,

but there's a part of me that wishes you'll be this tiny forever.

Then there's another part of me that misses your tiny newborn-ness, when I could cradle you in one arm.

And then there's another part of me that wishes you'll grow quicker and start sleeping through the night and interacting with us much more.

Conflicting I know,

but that's love for you.

It's a funny thing.

You don't need to know all the intricacies of it now,

just know that I love you.

I love you with every inch of my being.

I love your everything.

From the little baby nose that fills up with giant boogers everyday no matter how I clean it out,

to the little toes that seem way too adult-like to belong to a one-month old baby.

I love it when you smile at me,

when you look at me with those trusting eyes,

when you plead with me to pick you up when you're upset,

when you lay your heavy sleepy head on my shoulders because you're getting tired.

I love you and that's all you need to know.

Oh and one more thing you need to know.

Your daddy loves you too... very very much.

He doesn't say it the way I do,

but he says it in his kisses for you.

In the morning before he heads off to work, 

in the afternoon when he comes home, 

in the evening before you go to sleep,

and every single moment in time in between whenever he can.

Oh just know that you're loved.

By me, by daddy, my your grandmas, grandpa, great grandparents, aunties, uncles, godpas and godmas.

One day when your heart gets broken,

come to any one of us and we'll mend it for you.

With nothing else but our love.

That I'll promise you.