I'm crazy, or going crazy.

I'm pretty sure that Xander baby is going through his 6-8 week growth spurt now.

That means he's feeding every hour or 2, instead of the 3 hour intervals previously.

That means he's napping less so that he can get up to feed.

That means he's peeing and pooping more, so he doesn't stay asleep for long... he has a sensitive bum that doesn't like sitting in his own wetness for long.

That means he's cranky and uncomfortable and is not sleeping well.

That means I'm pretty much a walking zombie today.

Last night, I feel like I didn't sleep at all.

When to bed around 9 after he finally went down for the night after lots of crying and fussing,

then proceeded to wake up to feed and change him at 11.20, 1, 2, 4 and then 7.30 (only because his daddy dealt with him when he woke at 6plus).

Don't be fooled by the 2 hour intervals there...

It took at least 45 minutes to settle him each time,

so by the time I went back to bed and relaxed enough to fall asleep,

I hear him whining away again.

Sigh.

This was probably him punishing me for having it easy over the weekend.

He slept well, fed well, and had his daddy on his toes all weekend.

Now it's payback time.

Speaking of which,

Saturday was one of the nicest day I had in a while.

I got to sleep in till almost 9am,

while baby woke up early at 6plus to take care of Xander.

All I had to do was roll over and let him attach himself to my boob when he got hungry,

then baby would take him away to burp and nap when he's done.

It was nice :)

Then we went shopping at Chadstone.

The main reason was that I realised I can't fit into any of my old jeans and bottoms anymore.

Since having this kid,

I've lost all my baby weight and am now back to pre-pregnancy weight.

*Woo-hoo!!!*

BUT, I have permanently wider hips now.

It expanded to allow him to fit through,

and now it refuses to shrink back.

I think this is fact of life now.

So I decided to get a new bottom-wardrobe.

Just as well CNY is coming up and I could use that as an excuse to get new clothes :p

So we went to GAP, which was having a pretty cool sale,

and I got myself a new pair of jeans, a pair of cargo pants, a pair of leggings, a pair of linen shorts,

and all for $300.

A bit heart pain at first,

but I convinced myself that it's a pretty good price considering a pair of good Levi's jeans would have set me back almost $200 already.

And plus, don't I deserve some new clothes to make myself look and feel good?

I think so :)

Then went to Forever New and it was buy 1 get 1 free off the sale rack,

so I got 4 spag strap tops for less than $35.

Baby also got a pair of cargo pants at GAP for $50 and a Nike tee for $45.

I suspect this is all the shopping we get to do for the next 6 months at least,

until winter comes around and we find we need more suitable clothes.

Maybe not even.

While I was shopping,

baby took Xander and hung out with him so I could shop in peace.

When Xander got hungry,

baby brought him into the shop to look for me.

I was browsing through the sale rack when I heard X's hunger cry,

I turned around and there he was :)

Cool how I could identify my own baby's cries without even setting eyes on him :)

So we went to the parent's room in the mall, fed him, then went back to shopping while baby put him to sleep again.

Ahhh... it was good.

Being able to shop without worrying about my Xander baby :)

Plus point: daddy-baby bonding time!

I love the weekends when baby's home and helping with Xander.

Love it!

Anyway,

while we were walking around at Chadstone,

I couldn't help but notice every pregnant lady walking around.

And every time I saw one of them with their giant preggie belly,

a twinge of envy and jealousy runs through me.

I'm crazy aren't I?

Well, I asked baby:

"Do you think I'm crazy if I tell you that I get jealous when I see pregnant women?"

He looked at me like I was insane and went "uh... yeah?!"

Haha!

But I can't help it!

I already miss being pregnant, and how special that made me feel.

There's something magical about carrying a new life inside you,

and no one else but you knows how it feels.

Feeling those little flutters and kicks and rolls,

the anticipation that comes before finding out the baby's gender,

the excitement of everything that's unknown...

I can't help but get jealous that these women are experiencing it right now,

and mine was over...

Silly I know.

Completely irrational I know.

But still...

I just feel that pregnancy is such a unique part of a woman's life,

it's so fleeting but leaves such everlasting memories.

Don't get me wrong...

I hated the first trimester and the last month of my pregnancy.

I was miserable then.

But everything else was picture perfect.

The aches and pains and discomfort that came with pregnancy was not unexpected,

and the good always over-rode the bad.

My explanation to baby about how I felt was this:

When you're pregnant,

everyone would see your pregnant belly and smile and give way and be extra nice to you.

But once the baby is born and is in a pram that you're pushing around,

people just look at you (and the pram) like you're a nuisance that's taking up too much space.

You know what I mean?

If you pay attention, you'll find that it's true.

People expect pram-pushers to give way to everyone else.

But people would give way to pregnant ladies.

I don't get it.

Either way, we still need extra space in front of us.

What's the diff in treatment about?

The only people kind to pram-pushers, are fellow pram-pushers.

This is why sometimes I truly prefer to wear my baby in the sling, 

rather than put him in a pram.

Cos as long as the baby is attached to you,

it seems people would treat you that little bit nicer.

What has this world come to?

I miss being pregnant because I miss being special that way.

I know I know... I'm crazy.

:p

Plus side is that I get to comfort myself when I feel like that,

by telling myself that once the time is right,

I'll get to experience it all over again.

There's not a doubt in our minds that we'd have at least 1 more child.

After that, we'll see.

But for now,

we're only looking ahead to the next one.

I joked with baby that we'll keep having babies until we get a girl :p

So he said "then I hope the next one is a girl. let's make sure it's a girl!"

Haha!

But the time is not right yet.

This little one, this little X-man here deserves all our energy and nurturing and love and care.

I can't imagine dealing with him,

while at the same time dealing with pregnancy and a newborn baby again.

No way.

I want to be the best mommy ever to my babies, 

and that means I need more time to learn on-the-job.

Let's give it some time.

But in the meantime,

let the green-eyed monster lurk around.