Before I Forget

There is so much I wanna write about.

So much about my pregnancy, 

my birth experience, 

my first month as a mama, 

our first weeks as parents, 

our changed and newly-improved relationship (now dubbed Jude & Cleo 2.0),

my new life.

But the irony is that there's so much to write about that I don't know where to begin,

and I really lack the time and energy to start such a big project.

The little man is finally sound asleep on the futon in the living room,

after a whole morning of me trying to coax him to sleep.

After all, it was a long night of not much sleep at all for me,

so it must have been the same for him.

For some reason, he was up at 11.30, 1.30, 3.30, 6, 7.30, 8.45 and until now.

Growth spurt probably.

So now he's sound asleep with one mitten shrugged off his itty-bitty baby hands.

I'll grab these few minutes to say a few things.

Since our little man was born 27 days ago,

time has flown by so quickly...

I search for that pause button every moment,

whether it be when he's crying and I don't know how to stop it (mostly because he's trying to poop and there's not a damn thing I can do to help),

or when he's falling asleep in my arms and I feel his little head growing heavier and heavier, and I see his eyes closing ever so gradually but blinking open every few seconds because he's trying so very hard to stay awake to experience this great big world with us.

It's those moments when he's quietly nursing at my chest when I look down and suddenly realise he's so much bigger than I remember him to be just a few days ago.

It's then when I wish there was a pause button to all of this.

I wanna etch each of these pictures so deeply into my mind that nothing, not even 50 years of life, can ever erase.

Because I know I'll never get them back again.

One day he'll be ready to fly and I'll be ready to let him soar.

But in the meantime, I'm hanging on ever so tightly while helping him grow those wings he'll need to fly.

When I made the decision to marry the love of my life and be his wife,

I made the conscious decision to live the rest of my life with my heart in his hands.

When I finally became pregnant with this precious little baby boy,

I realised I could grow a new heart,

and with his birth,

he now carries it in his hands for the rest of his life.

I don't know what he'll do with it, 

and I know he'll probably break it over and over again while he finds his way in this world.

But that's okay, because it's a heart that will keep mending and growing,

making sure there's enough space and love for when he needs it next.

Life will take us places.

Places so beautiful that it will take our breaths away.

Places so dark that it will take down our spirits.

But I know with the insane amount of love within our little family for each other, 

we'll get through it all and love through it all.

There is so much I love about my little boy,

even with the projectile poop, projectile puke, projectile pee, and insatiable appetite for boob juice.

But the biggest reason why I love him so,

is because I see so much of my wonderful husband in him.

And when I look into his eyes,

I remember that he's here because of our love for each other,

and seeing the shadow of him in our little boy's eyes reminds me of the love we have that is to be cherished.

2011 is an unknown at this point.

We have no idea what will happen.

All I know is this year will be full of love.

And not alot of sleep.