See? The cross-hair was originally at CD20, right before that temp spike. Yesterday, after entering my BBT of 36.84, FF decided that I didn't O on CD20, but on CD22 instead. Is it weird to say that I was devastated? And then I felt silly. I still do. But I'm still upset. I mean, look! We timed our baby jig nicely on CD20 and CD21, but what if we missed the big release because I really O'd on CD22? Damn.
And the other thing that is getting me down with the change in O day, is that I went from being 11DPO today to just 9DPO! Any idea how hard it was to get to the big 10DPO hurdle? Now I get to back-track and lengthen my already miserably long 2WW!
As we can all tell on my chart, I haven't been the most patient 2WW-er and tested both today and Thursday. I thought Thursday was 8DPO, but sadly it turned out to be a sad 6DPO. If I had known, I wouldn't have tested. Today, it was a mental challenge that I failed. Tested with FMU, and it was a BFN. :( I know it's still probably way too early for anything to show, but I had some hope. Now, I'm just disappointed.
Doctor's appointment on Wednesday would now only be at 12DPO, instead of the nicely-timed 14DPO. I don't know if we can convince him to give me the referral for the BT. *fingers crossed* I really wanna know!
Symptoms wise, last week or so has been rather rough and uncomfortable. But this morning I woke up feeling absolutely fine. I'm convinced that means I'm not pregnant this time around, especially with the silly BFN HPT. But husband insists on me thinking positive, so I'll try. It's darn difficult, but I'll try. Sigh. It's one of those days that has gotten me down.
Just for the sake of it, here's the symptoms I noted down over the week -
18/1/10 - 5DPO (or 3DPO now)
headaches, bloated, had to unbutton pants, dizziness, light-headed, break-out on back, fatigue, mood swings, aches and painful twinges in lower abdomen, lower back ache, creamy/yellowish CM, hip to knee ligament pain, night sweats, hot flashes, sore bbs, sensitive and itchy nipples, difficult to get into a good position to sleep at night
19/1/10 - 6DPO (now 4DPO)
same as past few days, seriously tired (but maybe because I haven't had a good night's sleep), cranky and moody (same reason?), nausea since noon, night sweats, tight pulling sensation around right ovary area
20/1/10 - 7DPO (now 5DPO)
nausea on/off all day, cramping around right side ovary and uterus, bloated and had to unbutton pants, headache, tired, sinus-like feeling, dried blood in nose in morning, yellowish/creamy CM, hair falling in large clumps past few days (???!!!), sore bbs, tightening sensation again
I stopped recording then, but it has slowly lessened till almost nothing today. The most significant thing that has been constant for the past few days is a pulling/tightening sensation around my uterus. It's like the skin and muscles stretching for some reason. Like on the right side, the pulling goes all the way from the back round the waist to the front. And especially when I walk too much or over-exert myself, the pain in my right ovary gets worse. It ranges from being a dull ache, to a sharp poking pain, to crampy pains. And I'm feeling so bloated it is not funny. Even husband commented that my uterus area seems firmer and more swollen than normal?
I'm afraid that it may be a version of OHSS, due to the clomid. I seriously hope not. Cos if it is, we'll have to take a break from clomid, then goodness knows when I'll ovulate again. I wouldn't be surprised though, considering I had about 25 follicles and 15 follicles on the left and right side before we started the treatment, and if they ALL matured and grew, I would have some seriously swollen and enlarged ovaries. Not good right? yeah. Maybe that's the discomfort doctor was talking about. I'll have to ask him about it.
Oh well. I just have to try and keep my spirits up, at least until Wed when I get to see the doctor, and see what's what. It's just depressing when everyone else around seem to be having babies, whether or not they want to. A friend just gave birth to a baby girl last Friday in singapore. Why did I feel like sobbing endlessly when I found out? I'm happy for her, and her lovely baby girl, but why not me too?
It's just one of those days eh?
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