Happy birthday to me :)

A few days ago, I typed out a whole post that I intended to post today.

But I decided against it.

It was a rant about how my birthdays always sucked big time and I hate my birthdays.

Especially this year that my husband's not here to be with me on this day.

But I decided that being a full-fledged 23 year old now, it's time to take my own words seriously and really learn to look on the bright side of things.

Right?

before i display my endless positivity in the rest of this post, 

please allow me some down time.

i miss my husband so much that it hurts.

i've been feeling better these few days, 

but i still can't help making use of tears to help me sleep at night.

i still wake up every 2 hours, checking my phone and wondering what he's doing and whether he's home and whether he's gone to bed already.

i'm not the crazy demanding wife, expecting an sms every night or every hour.

and i refuse to make myself one, because i'm not!

and i vow never to be.

being on my own is just difficult, especially when i don't have a date of his return that i can count down to.

thinking about having to get on with life and work and exams and going for scans and stuff in the meantime, makes me wanna cry.

but i'm a big girl and i'll get over it :)
 

ok, here's where my positivity starts.

I had a wonderful evening with mummy and drago :)

After picking mummy up from her class, 

we went to glen waverly for teppanyaki.

unfortunately, they didn't have a space for us on the teppanyaki counter, so we had to settle for ala carte.

silly me didn't even think about making a reservation on the saturday of a long weekend.

what was i thinking?

but it's ok.

mummy treated me to a lovely birthday dinner, where the food was awesome :)

we headed to caffe moretti for cake, just for the sake of it.

after all, what's a birthday celebration without cake right?

we were full from dinner, so we decided to share 1 slice of cake amongst the 3 of us.

it was a huge huge huge cookies and cream cake that was yummy as hell, but the 3 of us couldn't even finish more than half of it :p

but they sang me a birthday song and i feel loved :)

thank you mummy and drago :))))

i love you both!!!

and of course i love my sisters and father who also wished me happy birthday,

as well as all the wonderful friends and cousins who did the same.

i feel loved <3

although i still wish with all my heart that husband could have been around to celebrate this day with me,

but i will try and be contented that at least i'm not alone on this day,

having instant noodles or fast food at home.

at least i had something :)

it's on days like this that i miss him like crazy and even more than i already do (if that's even possible),

but he remembered my birthday amongst all the stress and stuff going on in his life now, 

so what more can i expect?

this birthday,

i shall recognise that i'm blessed.

firstly, our long awaited for child is growing healthily in me.

secondly, mummy in law has had a successful surgery and seems to be recovering really really well.

thirdly, i have a husband who loves me dearly, who's patiently waiting for the day he can come home to me.

so it's good isn't it?

mummy in law when into surgery on thursday morning, came out in the afternoon.

surgery went quicker and better than expected,

and she only spent 1 night in ICU.

the next day, she was transferred out to a normal ward for recovery.

this meant that she was handling the recovery well and not having any complications.

baby was so completely happy and relieved to convey the news to me, and it was a joy to hear that in his voice.

i'm grateful for the smooth operation and hoping that her recovery will continue as well as it has so far.

hopefully Baby A will have a healthy and happy grandma to greet him/her in less than 6 month's time.

i still feel a little guilty for not being there, feeling like it's part of my responsibility as daughter in law and wife to be there.

but it's the way things are and no point going crazy over things i have no control over right?

i know they are both in good hands and most importantly, baby is understanding and doesn't blame me :)

i have a wonderful husband.

yesterday afternoon was the very first time in almost a whole week that husband and i had a chance to chat for real.

without distractions and without exhaustion and stress driving a wedge between us.

and it was the most awesome feeling ever.

i feel like i got my husband back, right after the surgery that made him feel like he got his mummy back.

so it's a win-win situation for us all :)

before that, it felt like there was a universe between us, instead of just time and distance.

he was short-tempered and snapped at me, he was exhausted and distracted so did not really have it in him to spend time chatting to me, wanting to hang up quickly most of the times i called him.

but who could blame him?

feels like that's behind us now :)

and you have no idea how completely grateful i am.

it's brought my spirits back up just that little and although not having him around still gets me down most nights, i know i can trust him when he says he will be back as soon as he can.

now, if only he can recover from his cold quick quick, cos hearing him on the phone and sounding so terrible sucks big time.

big time.

and being so sick and tired, he hasn't been able to go online and bother responding to my email.

poor baby.

it's ok... chatting is good for me too :)

he's a big boy now and he'll take care of himself.

mummy and drago will be leaving in a few days,

so i'll have to be a big girl and take care of myself too.

no choice.

winter alone at home is not the most wonderful feeling,

but again, c'est la vie right?

so after babbling on and on for so long,

my conclusion is, 

i am 23 years old now :)

happy birthday to me...

tomorrow,

Baby A will be 15 weeks.

15 down, only 25 to go.

:)

time seems to be going by pretty quickly,

and i'm growing by the minute.

tummy, boobs, pimples, hair, nails, you name it, they're growing.

i decided no preggie belly pics yet,

cos that will completely ruin the surprise for baby when he gets back.

i hope i grow a big belly by then and surprise the man :)

i know for sure that Baby A is growing, because i can feel the little one in me.

almost every day now, and sometimes when i lie very still with my hand on my tummy,

i can feel the little ripples through my tummy on my palms.

at times like that, i really really really wish i had baby here to share it with me.

our first child, and we will not get these first moments back ever again.

thankfully the first real kick has not happened yet, and probably won't for a couple more weeks.

so we've still got a chance :)

next year, will be a better year with a new little one in our lives.

i promise :)