Husband-less for the next few weeks?

For the next few weeks,

I will not have baby by my side. 

Baby took the first flight out this morning and he's back in Singapore now.

His mum has been hospitalized,

and yesterday they found a tumour in her brain.

We still dunno if it's operable and what the risks are,

so he felt like he needed to be back by her side and to find out for himself what's happening.

Which I support 100%. Completely.

I'm praying with everything I have that she will be okay,

and that everything will be okay for her.

If it wasn't for the fact that I've got exams coming up and that my mum and little bro are here,

I would definitely accompany baby back.

But I've gotta stay put, and that breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart that baby has to face all of that uncertainty and fear all on his own,

and that I can't be by his side to support him while he tries his best to support his mum.

And it breaks my heart that he has had to make that tough choice between being with his sick mum or pregnant wife.

In the end, it was important for him and I had to let him do what's right.

In our 3 years of marriage, we've only been apart for 2 nights, one when he had to go to Canberra overnight and one when I had to go to Perth overnight for work.

This is the first time we're gonna be apart for so very long.

And the worse part of it is that we both have no idea when he'll be coming back.

2 weeks? 3 weeks? 1 month?

It all completely depends on the prognosis on his mum and when she can be operated on, if at all.

So for now until then, it's just myself and our little one growing in my tummy.

I won't lie, I'm emotional.

You can blame it on my hormones, but the fact is that I gave up everything in my life to make sure I no longer have to be apart from my man. The fact that now we are an entire continent PLUS an ocean apart, is no consolation.

I know I know, it's not like he's not coming back.

But.... I dunno. I just hate hate hate not being by his side.

I will miss his kisses, his hugs, his touch, his gaze...

I will miss how he takes complete care of me, how I can simply turn to him to help me with things I don't want to or can't do, how we cuddle up in bed when it's freezing cold...

I don't like being alone.

It makes me paranoid, worried and so very very emotional.

I cried last night, and again this morning.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made baby worry about me when I should have let him go without letting him be worried about me. That's probably the last thing he needs right now. Sigh.

It's just difficult not knowing when he'll be back... It's awful...

The only consolation is that my mum and my brother are here to accompany me and alleviate my loneliness a little.

But they'll also be going back to SG on the 16th.

They'll be here for my birthday on the 12th, but baby won't.

And that makes me sad...

All I want now,

is for him to be safe and to take good care of himself while back in SG,

for his mum to make a full and speedy recovery,

and I pray baby will be back for our little one's next ultrasound scan which I know he's looking forward to very very much and that he'll be back to feel our little one's first real kick.

I've always said I won't know what to do without him, but I guess I'll have to find out for myself now.

Will I be able to get used to falling asleep and waking up without him by my side? Time will tell.

Baby,

I promise you that I will take care of both myself and our little one, if you promise you'll take care of yourself.

I miss you so very very much already and I hope you'll be able to come back to us soon.

I'll eat well, rest well, and not take unnecessary risks, though I can't promise to be able to concentrate on studying for my exams.

I'll be good I promise... 

Take good care of your mum as well alright?

I love you more than you can ever imagine and I know you'll come back :)

Right?

Don't worry about me... I'm just emotional and full of tears but I'll be okay.

I'll be okay as long as you are.

Yes yes I know I sound a tad too melodramatic, 

just understand that he's all I really have here in Melbourne and it's difficult not to feel completely lost without him and the everyday routine we have between the 2 of us.

I just need some time to get used to this.

Hey there little one,

You won't be hearing daddy's voice for a couple of weeks,

but he's promised to be back with us again soon.

So let's be patient and wait this out together alright?

In the meantime, it would be awesome if you'd be real good and not give mummy any troubles that would make me miss daddy even more.

Deal?

I promise to cheer up soon.

For my sake, for baby's sake and for this little one's sake.